People living with grief may experience social withdrawal, heightened sensitivity, distraction, and inability to focus, unpredictability and intense reactions. Some people may be frightened or worried about their grief responses and think that they are “going crazy” or that their grief is out of control, when really, what they are experiencing are natural human responses. We acknowledge that Grief affects our whole being:
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Physical
People living with grief may experience difficulty sleeping, exhaustion, appetite changes, tiredness, fatigue, headaches, nausea, rapid breathing, palpitations, lack of motivation and may generally be exposed to an increased risk of illness. Have a talk with your GP if you are concerned.2
Emotional
People living with Grief may experience a wide range of feelings which may include sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt, fear, disbelief, panic, confusion, shock, loneliness, and numbness, to name a few.
Positive and negative feelings may coexist in the grieving as people may feel sadness after their loss but also relief and gratitude (e.g., gratitude that their loved one’s suffering has come to an end).
Depression may re-enter your life or appear for the first time. You may feel as if you are sliding down a slippery slope once more. Whilst this is generally a natural part of the ups and downs of the grief experience, always seek help when concerned.
“Time will heal” is a common saying. Time does change the grief experience, but mainly it’s what you do with the time that makes the difference.3
Cognitive (Thoughts)
People living with grief may notice temporary changes in memory or challenges in making decisions. They may also doubt their ability to deal with life after their loss and find themselves constantly searching for answers. Grieving people often think of the single question, why? This question, often, has no straightforward or satisfactory answer.
It is important to realise that for most people, navigating through their grief to a place of acceptance takes longer than they and others expect.4
Behaviours
Some withdraw socially and others become action oriented, keeping overly busy, in order to avoid feeling their pain; People speak of crying ‘all the time’. I’ve had people say to me, “today I had a good day, I didn’t cry”, judging themselves badly for crying. In his research, Dr William Frey, a biochemist, discovered that emotional tears contain stress hormones that are excreted from the body through crying. Tears are an expression of our unspoken words, our sadness, and our pain, leaving our body.5
Spiritual/Philosophical
After a loss, people often find themselves asking the ‘big questions’ about one’s life philosophy or faith. You might find that you lose your faith for a while if you had one to begin with or you might be drawn to it more deeply and find comfort in it.
We may delve deeply into our own spiritual/
religious /secular beliefs or perhaps be challenged by them. Death can leave us feeling our lack of control and our subsequent powerlessness in the face of it. The people we love – or not so love – are a part of us. So, when we lose them, we lose part of ourselves. Part of us dies too. This can leave us feeling broken, overwhelmingly empty, and lonely. Renewed living after loss.
requires this questioning, doubt, and confrontation of what we do or don’t believe. This helps us to reconstruct meaning and to build frameworks that assist us in integrating our losses. Don’t be afraid to question, it usually leads to a deeper understanding and wisdom.6
Social
Grief has huge social impacts. We suffer many secondary losses as well, for example having to learn new skills like cooking or doing the accounts if your partner used to be responsible for these things in your relationship. Loneliness may engulf you for a while, as you look ahead to life after loss, feeling that you don’t fit in or that you can’t be around people who want to ‘fix’ your grief.